Fortune's Fool

"O I am fortune's fool" that is me, for I plan and god laughs.  I'm sure she's getting a good god one on me.  You're welcome god!  I have been planning so hard and thoroughly and both Bev and I have been following through, working hard but still there is a niggle, a fly in our ointment, a glaring gap in our probability of success.  Dang!

Generally I feel that I live a blessed life but sailors in general, and me in particular are know for falling from grace from time to time, after all, we're all flawed romantics, we sailors that is.  Chaser of dreams, feeler of feelings, quester of quests, seeker of seeks, lover of life and the ocean, the ocean both inside and out.  The ocean below, so full of islands and the one above, full of stars and what could be more romantic than a tropical island or a bright star set in a cobalt sky full of millions of other stars from horizon to horizon, off shore, in that special zone, the one where the land creatures rarely go, the sweet spot, home base, the pelagic zone.  It can be like a narcotic to a sailor.    


First I dreamt of sailing again, a questionable desire this is sure to cause much suffering, it possibly might cause some pleasure too and it's most likely that the duration of the suffering will be exceed the duration of any pleasure.  This I know from over 50 years of sailing experience but in spite of that fore knowledge, still the romantic-me persists because to a sailor there is nothing sweeter than a good boat heading out in a fresh breeze, parting azure waters with a beautiful island or two or even hundreds of them, in the offing.  So now we have assembled most of the essential ingredients, the boat is looking great and so well sorted out thanks to Bev's skills and hard work.  But there's some sand in out suntan lotion that has nothing to do with our boat.  The Achilles-heel in my plan turns out to be our house.  Go figure.  But a house is more like a big anchor than a boat and right now it seems like we have a bigger anchor that our boat.  Not a good combination for sailors dreaming of the south seas.  What I want, what any sailor really wants and just about any romantic wants; a chance to strive, for it is the longing, the striving, the seeking, the quest, journey, road, mountain, sky, land, sea, fish, partner, home, friend... It is the journey to and the enjoyment with those energies, much more so than the mere possessing any of those things because things pass away, but energy, energy never dies, that's way it's one of the truest things in the Universe.  Oh, ah, pardon me, I got side tracked.  

I'm back now and talking about my foolish plans gone awry.  So with travel on our minds, a couple of years ago we contracted with an interesting woman to set up her tiny house on our property.  In exchange she would pay a modest rent and look after our place when we were away on trips in the mean time she became a friend.  That all worked well until she developed some serious health issues. Now she needs someone to look after her.  So we started looking around for someone to house sit for us with the understanding they would lend a hand and watch out for our tenant.  A friend recommended his sister who was retiring and planning on relocating from the east coast to Eugene where she would be looking for a place to stay.  We talked and she agreed to "sit" our house in exchange for looking out for our tiny house tenant and keeping an eye on our place.  She packed up her stuff, shipped it all to us and then flew out herself but sadly she was only here a couple of weeks when she developed a serious heart condition that landed her in the hospital.  Fortunately she’s better now.  Fingers crossed.  With the help of another friend, our tiny house tenant getting regular support from senior services.  Three to four days a week someone comes to help her, cook, clean and run errands.  It is my hope that both women will be able to look after each other as best they can, that and with friends, neighbors and senior services looking in from time to time Im hoping for the best. 

I’m someone who likes simple, robust plans but somehow I’ve managed to end up weaving a fairly complex web of supports.  Like I said I’m sure that god is having a good laugh at my plans and I trust that she will have compassion on all us mortals trying our best to get by.  And yes, I am a romantic fool, and unrepentive one at that, but I am my own fool, nobody else’s and that has made all the difference.  

A fool and his money may be often be “parted” but he’ll always have his heart and I am that fool, unrepentant and undaunted.